As We Cried.

We sat across from each other. He took my hands and held it tightly. He looked into my eyes as I stared into his. We both knew it was over, but neither one of us wanted it to end.

Oh, how stubborn we both were.

We met up for weeks. It led into months. Every time we said goodbye, it was the beginning of another hello.

It became a repeated cycle that would not stop. Over and over again, we replayed this vicious cycle.

Every cut we endured. Every push and pull, we engaged in.

Every time I saw him, I was met with hurt and desire at the same time.

My eyes filled with tears as I take a deep breath and drink my beer.

I knew I could never love him the same ever again, and I was too scared to tell him the truth. My heart was hurting. I wanted to hold him, and at the same time, tell him to get out of my life forever.

I didn’t want to be selfish anymore. I didn’t want to keep holding onto someone I knew I couldn’t give 110% to.

It was such a confusing moment in my life.

To love somebody so much, you could literally feel your heart aching at the thought of losing them. To love somebody so much, you knew the kindest thing to do was let them go.

In the end, I knew I had to let him go. I knew deep within me that I could not give him the love wanted.

I had given everything I got for the last five years, and it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t keep pouring from an empty cup. I needed to choose me.

So I did.

I chose myself, and he couldn’t understand why. He didn’t see that I needed me. I wanted to set myself free from this agonizing pain of knowing that if I stayed, I would only hurt him in the end.

I walked away knowing I will always wonder what if. Yet, I knew that if I stayed, I’d never truly be happy.